


Snowball

by BytheSea (ye_old_cactus)



Series: A little pick me up [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: -Ish, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Cheating, F/M, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Kaidan Alenko/Rahna - Freeform, Kid Fic, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Not Beta Read, POV Third Person, Shepard's got 2 moms thats gonna be my thing now, Time Skips, ive got nothing against rahna yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:36:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ye_old_cactus/pseuds/BytheSea
Summary: You know when you throw a snowball down a hill and it starts to get bigger and bigger by the second and how people compare that to ignoring or shoving down your problems until the ball was so big that the only way for it to go was to explode? Shepard liked to compare his relationship with Kaidan to a snowball. All the good things, all the bad things… all the things, it added a little bit more of snow to the ball, he didn't know when this one was going to explode and he didn't know if he was willing to be there to see it happening.





	Snowball

You know when you throw a snowball down a hill and it starts to get bigger and bigger and how people compare that to ignoring or shoving down your problems until the ball was so big, the only way for it to go was to explode? Shepard liked to compare his relationship with Kaidan to a snowball.

All the good things, all the bad things… all the things, it added a little bit more of snow to the ball, it rolled farther down the hill, it became bigger.

He loved Kaidan, so much that sometimes he found himself, honest to god, thinking that Kaidan was the love of his life, just one of those offhanded thoughts that never really become more than that.

It all started about 15 years ago, Shepard’s moms travelled a lot because of their jobs but they had a house in Canada, none of them were born there and he had no idea why they had the house there, but it wasn’t like he cared, they only stayed for summer and were on their way as soon as that was done.

He’d met Kaidan when he was only 12 years old, they had become friends almost instantly because they were neighbors and his parents were friends with his moms. Kaidan was 14 years old and he didn’t care that Shepard was younger, he also called him Shepard, because by that time, he thought telling people to call him by his last name was cool, though most often than not it was just confusing because both his moms were Shepard and answered to the last name whenever someone even just mentioned it. Regardless of that, at the end, it stuck… he had a new Canadian friend and a cool nickname.

He had his first kiss with Kaidan the following summer. He’d asked Kaidan if he’d ever kissed another boy and when Kaidan said no, he offered his lips, that’s when he realized he was falling in love with Kaidan.

The summer when he was 14 years old, he touched another guy and that guy touched him back and that was Kaidan. It’d been a mess, a couple of frantic, sloppy kisses had led to them jerking each other off in Kaidan’s room while their parents were downstairs, now he thought it’d been a mess but that moment when he came way too soon and had barely managed to finish Kaidan off, it’d been perfect.

When he was 15 and Kaidan was 17 years old, Shepard finally confessed his love and was rewarded with a kiss and a _me too_. It’d been the sweetest summer so far, just lazing around in Kaidan’s room or his room, giving each other handjobs and making out every single second they were together.

During Kaidan’s first summer as a college student and Shepard’s 16th summer alive, they’d done it for the first time, Kaidan feeling guilty the next day because he thought he’d taken advantage of Shepard when Shepard had been the one to straight up _seduce_ him and tease him until Kaidan gave in… it didn’t take much and he knew Kaidan was as eager as him but if blaming himself would help Kaidan’s mind, he’d do it without even thinking about it.

When their sixth summer together rolled around, they pretty much knew each other’s body by heart, knew what the other liked and knew they loved each other.

Shep wanted to tell Kaidan that by next year they’d be together in the same college because his moms finally decided that it was time for him to settle down, but he’d been so happy about it that he all but forgot to tell him. Every time he had the perfect opportunity, something else came up and as he was flying over Central America, his actual birthplace, he realized he never told Kaidan and that maybe it was for the best because then he’d surprise him.

On his first day as a college student, he met Tali, Kaidan’s best friend, Garrus, who ended up becoming his best friends (besides Kaidan), Liara, Ashley, Wrex and Rahna… Kaidan’s girlfriend.

* * *

It started innocent enough, Kaidan had lots of friends but most of them usually left for summer so he usually ended up alone in his house, until Shepard. He remembered the Shepards, his parents spoke fondly of them and when they introduced their son to Kaidan, it was only natural for Kaidan to be friends with him, he didn’t plan to eventually fall in love with him, it had scared him… so much that the first summer after they did it and when he went back to school, he had finally accepted Rahna's overly obvious flirting and decided to date her.

He thought it was going to be one of those few months long relationship and he’d be done with it, he never thought he’d still be with her on his junior year of college and Shepard’s freshman year.

It wasn’t his fault that Shepard didn’t tell him he was going to attend Kaidan’s college, the rest of the situation, though… that was all on him.

He’d been so scared of what he felt for Shepard that he decided to get an out. Not like it excused what he’d done and seeing Shepard’s face when she practically introduced herself because Kaidan couldn’t even talk, had been enough to make him feel like the biggest douchebag alive, though he knew he actually was when Shepard asked them how long they'd been dating, and she happily replied with _almost three years_.

He wanted to straight up die.

* * *

They weren’t dating, Shepard and Kaidan… never really even talked about it—too busy exploring themselves and enjoying each other.

Part of him couldn’t even blame Kaidan, after all, he’d had his share of fun with other guys as he travelled around the world, but he’d never actually dated someone, he loved Kaidan way too much to pull that, every summer he’d made sure to be as free as possible, because he wanted Kaidan, wanted to make him happy, but just when he thought he could finally be with Kaidan, it turned out he had a fucking girlfriend.

“I can explain,” Kaidan tried when they were finally alone.

Shepard’s moms had gotten him a condo near college because they knew how hard it'd be for him to get used to living with other people… and because they could get him one, that’s where he was with Kaidan.

A few scenarios went through his mind, telling Kaidan it was okay because they weren’t dating, getting angry because during the months they were together Kaidan didn’t say anything, telling him no hard feelings and that he understood the situation, stop talking to Kaidan and kick him out and much more, but curled up around Kaidan’s back hilt deep in him wasn’t one of them.

He knew they had to talk about it eventually, they had to finish whatever they had going, they had to do something… but Kaidan was Shepard's first and only love, it didn’t matter with how many guys he’d been before, it always came back to Kaidan, so much that he suspected his moms knew he wanted to go to college—and to that one—because of Kaidan.

At the end he didn’t care what others thought, he loved Kaidan and he wasn’t embarrassed to say it… but if Kaidan wanted to keep them a secret, he would do everything to pretend they were only friends.

* * *

“What time do you have to wake up tomorrow?” Shepard asked him, kissing his way down Kaidan's back, his lips lingering on the parts he knew made Kaidan squirm a little.

“Stop it,” Kaidan replied, “I’ll meet Rahna and the kiddo there for lunch so, maybe 10?”

Shepard sighed, way too early. It was Sunday and he hadn't seen Kaidan in two weeks, “Why did you have to move so far away?”

“John…” Kaidan laughed, “it’s like a 20 minute drive, you know you can visit me whenever you want, Tali does.”

“Yeah, but Tali is your best friend.”

“You’re my best friend, too.”

“It's different.”

“You named my daughter, that’s some best friend stuff you have Tali beaten on.”

“Naming her after one of my moms is barely something best friend-y.”

“That’s not a word and Janey asks me about you a lot, you know,” Kaidan said softly, turning fully around to face Shepard, “ _how’s uncle Johnny_ ,” he kissed him, “ _when is he coming_ ,” he moved on top of Shepard, “ _I wanna go to uncle Johnny's house_ ,” he moved his hips painfully slow but still managing to make Shepard breathe with more difficulty.

Shepard grabbed him by the hips, trying to make him move faster but having a hard time as Kaidan had bulked up with the years—while he was pretty similar to Shepard in size back in college, the years had only helped me gain more muscle, making him maybe not stronger than Shepard but definitely heavier and he could tell when he had Shepard beneath him, desperately trying to get his release from Kaidan but failing to do so.

He lowered himself, kissing Shepard on the cheek softly and whispering right next to his ear, “we have time.”

It only made Shepard get more desperate and in no time, he had Kaidan pressed to the pillow, with one leg hooked around his lower back and the other one over his shoulder, Kaidan was right… they had time and he planned to use every single second they had.

* * *

“Hey, Shepard!” Rahna waved at him, “it’s been a while.”

“Hi, I know,” he replied kissing Rahna on the cheek and then squatting while opening his arms in a hug, welcoming his goddaughter who he’d seen running towards Kaidan's car when she saw him on the passenger's seat, “look at this princess.”

She giggled.

He loved Jane Alenko so bad, almost like she was his own daughter, he’d been so happy when Kaidan told him he was having a kid that for just a second, he forgot Kaidan was having that kid with his wife to be. When he’d asked Shepard for a name, he instantly offered his mother’s name. It had been a tough conversation to have with Hannah, but she accepted the name at the end, maybe out of pity for Shepard, after all, both of his mothers knew about his relationship with Kaidan, but they had gotten tired of telling him to think it through years ago. They knew he wasn’t going to let Kaidan go.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Rahna asked him, he looked at Kaidan who just shrugged.

“If that’s okay,” he said letting Janey go, “not like I have something better to do, anyway.

Rahna smiled, he always said the same thing, she probably thought he was joking but with Kaidan back in his own new house, he had nothing better to do, probably work but he tried not to do that while he was home, though he only didn’t actually work when Kaidan was over, which had been less and less lately, alas… he at least expected a promotion soon.

* * *

By the time Shepard’s birthday rolled around, it wasn’t until he had all his friends and family celebrating that the guilt, he had so long forgotten had come back to him in the form of Hannah and Jane Shepard. He guessed they were just worried about him and how long he’d let his relationship with Kaidan go but it still made him feel super queasy.

“Isn’t painful?” Hannah asked him. Every time they met, she asked the same thing, using the same words and the same tone while Jane just hugged him. They could barely see each other every year and they always did this.

Shepard on his part always said the same, _no, it isn’t, Kaidan is happy and so am I, I know he loves me, he can’t leave them_ … it always came back to the same thing, though it was years ago when they told him to finish his relationship.

It wasn’t like he didn’t think about it, what was going to happen when they were older, Kaidan hadn’t left Rahna when he still could, when Janey hadn't been born, he had instead married Rahna and had Janey. Granted, one came because of the other but the fact that he was married and with a 5 year old daughter that was blissfully unaware that his father was actually in love with her godfather and his best friend… and Rahna herself who had no idea all her marriage and all her relationship had been a lie that started because Kaidan was scared of how much he loved Shepard, and if it ever finished would be because of how much Kaidan loved Shepard.

He didn’t know if he was willing to take the missing bullets from that marriage, to be responsible for what would eventually happen. They'd been together for way over 10 years a little bit more than Rahna and Kaidan and the only people who knew about them were Shepard’s moms and only because Hannah unexpectedly visited him when he was _with_ Kaidan, Jane trailing behind her.

When they were with their friends, it was like they were just the best of friends, they didn’t even touch each other but the looks Kaidan gave him sometimes were enough to bound him to his side forever. He didn’t think Kaidan did it on purpose, it was more like an inevitable thing… like they just couldn’t get their eyes off each other and it was a wonder they had kept it secret for so many years, but the fact that with just a look Kaidan could enchant him like that was, to Shepard, amazing, to his moms, not so much.

In all his years alive, as lovers came and went just as fast, nobody had made him feel what Kaidan did, the bubbling in his stomach, the shivers on his skin, the full body goosebumps, it was all Kaidan… just Kaidan.

“Hey,” someone said behind him, making him jump a little. He turned around to find Kaidan grinning with a giggly Janey, Shepard smiled.

“Hey,” he said and Kaidan winked.

“Honey?” Rahna looked back in their direction, “I’m gonna talk to Shep and I’ll be right back,” Rahna nodded and called Janey so Kaidan could go alone with Shepard.

* * *

“Got me all alone now, cowboy,” Shepard said as soon as they were inside his bedroom, Kaidan closing the door softly.

“Gross,” Kaidan replied, walking towards Shepard and cupping his face with both his hands, but Shepard just smiled, leaning into the touch and kissing each of Kaidan’s palms once.

“Been missing you all day,” Shepard said, moving closer to Kaidan to kiss all those little moles on his face, “and you giving me all those looks doesn’t help.”

Kaidan smiled into the kiss, so he knew what he was doing to him, well, it wasn’t like Shepard was that surprised… part of him, maybe, but that was because Kaidan always managed to surprised him like right now when he had his tongue down Shepard’s throat, fondling him in Shepard’s own room, walking him to their bed, Shepard’s bed, while his wife and his daughter were downstairs with all their friends, celebrating a birthday without the birthday boy.

“I love you,” he told Kaidan like he’d done a thousand times before.

“I love you, too,” Kaidan didn’t even hesitate to answer, just like the other thousand times he hadn’t hesitate to tell Shepard how much he loved him, “but I think we should go back.”

“You brought me here, though and I haven’t even seen my gift.”

Kaidan untangled himself from Shepard, who sighed at the sudden movement, but was grateful because a few more seconds of all that kissing and fondling… well, he didn’t want to miss half of his party and he knew Janey would be asking about Kaidan and him in no time.

“Okay, close your eyes,” Kaidan said, hiding something behind his back, Shepard did as he was told, not one for this kind of play, unless it came to Kaidan, “open them now.”

He did, but immediately felt the need to close them again and pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Kaidan was in front of him, looking taller than usual, he had a little red velvet box in his hands and inside it was a ring, just a plain silver band, inside it, it had their names, _John + Kaidan_ , nothing more.

Shepard had to admit he wasn’t a crier, if that was even the word. Ever since he could remember, he’d only really cried 3 times in his life, when he left his moms to go to college, the night Kaidan introduced Rahna to him and on his 27th birthday, which was incidentally that day.

“Are you crying?” Kaidan so helpfully asked.

“Shut up,” he replied because yes, he was crying and the more he tried to stop, the more he cried.

“They’re a pair, actually,” Kaidan said as he pulled a chain from under his shirt with a ring that looked exactly the same as the one he was giving Shepard, “I know I’m going about this the wrong way, I know I should’ve done this years ago, I know our situation is not the right one or the one you deserve, but I want you to know, that” he continued, getting the ring out of the box and reaching for Shepard’s hand, “my heart, my body and my soul will always belong only to you, John.”

Shepard sighed hugging Kaidan, he didn’t know what to say, he wanted to kiss Kaidan breathless, he wanted to lift him over his shoulder like sack of potatoes and carry him out the room and where the party was just to brag about having the best boyfriend ever for half his life, but he knew he couldn’t, he knew Kaidan only belonged to him when they were alone, when Rahna and Jane didn’t exist, when all that was left in the world were them…

“I love you,” he said again.

“I love you, too,” Kaidan replied with a kiss and a few tears of his own.

* * *

She knew, she’d always known, she’d seen them kissing 13 years ago when she’d come a few days early from visiting his family back in Turkey. She knew.

At first Rahna thought it was one of those fleeting summer loves, she had no problem with Kaidan being into men, but she had many problems with Kaidan being into Shepard.

After that summer, she’d pushed Kaidan harder, her flirting going way beyond subtleties, every opportunity she found to be with Kaidan, was used to lure him into her arms, she didn’t like Shepard, the kid with the exciting life and two moms, the one who travelled around the world and knew a lot of different languages, the one who had Kaidan in what seemed like a spell—every year she left to Turkey it was a punishment because she knew Kaidan was going to spend his summer with Shepard, she hated it.

She didn’t take into account that it was going to be Kaidan’s own integrity what made him finally fall for her… into her trap, but she also wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And when Kaidan started to see things clearly, to see that his relationship with Rahna was heading nowhere, almost exactly five year ago, she’d found different means to keep him next to her side and so far, it’d worked wonders.

As she saw Kaidan disappear into Shepard’s house, giving him those looks she hated, her blood boiled, but she couldn’t do anything. Sooner or later one of them was going to get tired of the other and if she had to play the lovely innocent wife until it happened, so be it, but Kaidan was staying by her side _forever._

**Author's Note:**

> rahna: we been knew


End file.
